You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
