ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
