she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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