Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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