I wish I could teleport
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
