In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
