dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
porn star boner night. come get it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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