Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
