Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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