so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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