you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
