I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
