I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
