i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
