I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
