Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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