So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
