Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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