ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
