I cut my penus on the lid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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