I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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