And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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