He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
