What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
