Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
handjob tips. give me some.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
