you would pick up someone in the library
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
