I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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