bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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