Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
