im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
