eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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