I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
