I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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