Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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