I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
