just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
