I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
