I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
