Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
