this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
