I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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