So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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