Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
