between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i now understand why vodka
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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