exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do herpes really smell.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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