Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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