Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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