You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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