i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
