ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
