I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
