They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
