I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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