Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
