well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
