Nicole vs. Life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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