I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
