i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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