Will you blow on my dice?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
