Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize