A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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