batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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