You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
